It can be hard to discuss death with our loved ones. Often it can feel like tempting fate. However, discussing funeral plans is important if we want to honour our loved ones’ wishes. Otherwise, their funeral may be nothing like they envisioned.
Unfortunately, this is not always an easy conversation to have. Discussing death and funerals can still feel taboo. It is important to remember, though, that it is always better to be prepared.
The Importance of Discussing Funeral Plans
We often have very different ideas in our mind to what our loved ones envision. According to a report by SunLife, 19% of people do not know any of their loved one’s funeral wishes, and only 52% know whether their loved ones want to be buried or cremated. Of the people asked, 1% said they knew every detail of their loved ones’ funeral plans. With such a lack of certainty around funerals, it is important to discuss these plans in advance.
Even if you feel confident now, when your loved one passes away you may find yourself having doubts. By discussing their funeral sooner, you can rest assured that you will be acting on their wishes.
Starting the Conversation
We understand that starting this conversation might not be easy. However, it may be that your loved one has been feeling a need to discuss their plans too. All it takes is for one of you to break the ice.
Find the Right Moment
We all live busy lives, so sometimes it can seem difficult to find the time for a serious conversation. Set aside a day to visit your loved one. Think about what surroundings will work best to put you both at ease. Would you be better off discussing funeral plans in your loved one’s home, or out at a cosy café?
Have a Cuppa
Though it is an important discussion, you should avoid making things too serious. Make your loved one a cup of tea and foster a relaxed environment. Have a simple catch-up first before broaching the subject.
Trigger the Topic
Rather than jumping straight into discussing your loved one’s funeral plans, bring up the topic slowly. Mention something you saw on TV or a conversation you have had with someone else. It will be easier to talk about death and funerals if you make it feel like an extension of the conversation you are already having.
They Are Probably Thinking the Same Thing
As we have already suggested, your loved one may also have had funeral plans on their mind for a while. This may be especially true if they have recently been ill. Bringing up the subject may finally give them the opportunity they have been waiting for.
Start With the Basics
It is important not to ask too many questions too quickly. Start with basic wishes such as:
- Burial or cremation?
- Religious or non-religious?
- Wake or no wake?
As you discuss these elements of funeral plans with your loved one, they may open up about other wishes. These may include:
- Songs they want played.
- Funny stories they want mentioned in the eulogy.
- Whether they want a memorial (e.g., a bench dedicated in their memory).
- Where they want to be buried or have their ashes scattered.
Keeping Track of Funeral Plans
When you first discuss funeral plans, you may not write anything down. This is okay. The important thing is that you and your loved one now feel confident to discuss the matter. Plan to sit together again and start writing things down.
Your loved one may also want to compile their wishes together and include them in their will. This could be a great help not just to you but to your whole family. You may even want to invite another family member or two to join you next time you discuss funeral plans.
Whilst it’s important not to overwhelm your loved one, having more people involved can make it easier to keep track of their wishes.
Find out more about Making a Will.
Acting on Funeral Plans
If your loved one has funeral plans in mind, it can help to start acting on them. Many funeral directors are willing to accept pre-paid plans, which can help support your loved one’s wishes while they are still alive to manage them. Alternatively, they may want to opt for a life insurance plan to ensure some money is left behind to cover expenses.
When you are discussing funeral plans with your loved one, be sure to mention the reality of funeral costs. If they have specific plans in mind, especially, it will be important that there are adequate finances to fall back on.
They may also want to improve their saving habits – take a look at our finance tips for help with saving money.
How to Discuss Funeral Plans with Someone Who Is Dying
If your loved one has received a terminal diagnosis, discussing funeral plans can be a distressing subject. However, it is especially important that you have this conversation before it’s too late. It could even provide some peace of mind to them, as they won’t have to worry about their affairs.
Be patient and compassionate when discussing these matters. You will also need to consider how to deal with their finances and online accounts when they pass away. Allow friends and family to support you and your loved one. It will be a trying time for everyone, but a strong support network will make things easier.
You can find more advice on planning for the end of life at Independent Age.
Keeping Loved Ones Safe at Home
Discussing funeral plans isn’t the only way to plan ahead. Purchasing a Careline alarm provides additional reassurance for you and your loved ones in case they have an accident at home.
When your loved one presses their pendant alarm, it sends an alert to our 24/7 Care Team. They will then assess the situation and inform the designated emergency contacts. In appropriate circumstances, they will also call the emergency services.
To find out more, read our detailed guide. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can call us on 0800 101 3333 or fill in our simple form and one of our team will get back to you.
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